he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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