The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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