i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
