I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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