At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
