Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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