Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
