try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
NoShamevember. You game?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
