I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
