this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
