If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
