Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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