The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
