We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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