he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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