we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
