fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
