Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
