It's Friday. Sex?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
