just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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