you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
