Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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