I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
