Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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