all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
