why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
