none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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