haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize