Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
