i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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