first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
im six kinds of drunk right now
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
