God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
