at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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