you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
