they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
