Cold hands, warm shart.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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