So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize