Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I will pee on everything he values.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize