From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
