I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
