The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
