I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The adults are the big ones right?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
