Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize