He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
