Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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