I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
