who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
