im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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