so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
