i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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