but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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