i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
