and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
