sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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