She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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