Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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