So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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