Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
