So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
