The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
