weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
