so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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