Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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